Posts tagged: Book

What gives us more happiness? When we receive something (take something) or when we give something? While some would say that they were happier receiving something, a lot more would agree that giving something gives them a different joy.

But why does this differing opinion exist?

Let’s try to understand this phenomena with an example. When John has been waiting for two hours under the hot sun and David gives him a lift, John appreciates the gift and is very thankful.

Suppose the situation is different, instead of receiving a lift, John is now the person who gives a lift to David. This makes John as a giver and David as a taker. Will this give John happiness? Yes it will, in fact immensely.

Lets understand why.

In both the viewpoints there are three parties i.e. 2 active parties and one passive party. Active party is someone who is in control and can make a voluntary decision while a passive party can only have a desire and is not in control.

In the above sense the three roles are:

• The giver (the one who chooses) is one active party,
• The receiver (the one who needs help) is the passive party and
• And the universe (or fate, or God—whatever you believe in) is the second active party.

Now let’s look at which role is played by whom.

When John is receiving the lift then who is the active parties and who is the passive party?

The two active parties are David and God/Universe/Fate. John is the passive one. From John’s point of view, David is stopping the car and hence David is the active one. No matter how vigorously John waves his hand to stop a car, he is not actually in control of the outcome. The universe too therefore is playing an active role.

When John is giving the lift then who are the active parties and who is the passive party?

John and David are the active parties. From John’s point of view, he is choosing to stop the car and there is somebody who is actively asking for a lift. But here in this case, God is passive! John is in total control of his actions.

Why giving makes you happier:

1. When giving, you are in control

When John was a taker he had a requirement which had to be met. He had absolutely no control of the outcome other than expressing his requirement. When John was the giver he was in control and he chose to stop the car. A person is happy when he is in control of any situation.

2. Not giving doesn’t make a difference in our life when we are not aware of the need

When John was the taker and if David had not stopped the car, it would have made a difference in John’s life. When John was the giver and David had not asked for the lift, there would have never been a requirement. John would have moved on with his life without any difference.

3. Giving can bring only happiness

When David asks for a lift and John is the giver, the only difference that it makes in John’s life is he gets the pure joy of doing a good deed.

Give more and be happy!

When you give spontaneously, without any expectation of return or reward; you are a true giver and… you become a taker – of abundant happiness!

Majority of people carry the weight of being somebody on their shoulders. That somebody could be a good son, good brother, good husband, good father, good sales professional, good manager etc.

How is good defined? To be a good sales professional you need to bring in x amount of business every month. To be a good father your children should turn out to be good citizens. We can clearly see that the word good is linked to the result, in other words, results are a definition of being ‘good’. Hence being somebody is equated to the results.

Let’s stop to think a little bit about this. Results actually are not in our control. If we take responsibility for something which is not in our control, that will add weight on our shoulders. So we walk around with the weight of being a somebody. If you believe you are a good sales person then you are carrying the weight of million dollars on your shoulders, till you achieve it.

What is in our control though? The efforts are in our control. A sales professional should focus on the efforts that he puts in rather than the results. Narrowing down on efforts make a person a nobody. If you want to stand tall you should break down the calls required to achieve the target and focus on achieving the required calls on a daily basis. This will take the burden off your shoulders. Now from a somebody you can stand tall because you are a nobody.

Somebody is weight and Nobody is no weight. Weight is of the result. A nobody focuses on effort and hence does not carry the weight of a somebody.

We shouldn’t carry the weight of being somebody on our shoulders. Be comfortable in our own skin with the knowledge that we are a ‘nobody’, and have no control over the outcome of any situation. At the same time, put in our absolute best, which is in our control. If we do our best, work/ play for our self, and enjoy what we do, we will receive what’s best for us.